No promises!: Self-sufficient...but only because I had no choice

Friday, November 11, 2005

Self-sufficient...but only because I had no choice

Everyone here at home left to go hiking/camping Wednesday. I was supposed to meet them today-I am obviously not in the woods roughing it now, but that's a story for another day. Right now I want to tell you about what happened to me at exactly 3:33 Thursday morning.

Set the scene: home alone, and totally sleeping with the bathroom light on. I hear the sounds of a dangerous jungle cat stalking its prey...or a fat house cat chasing a bug-depends on whose point of view we're using. Chakra was apparently not satisfied with the lizard she had killed and eaten (well, not entirely-she left bits that needed to be removed) the day before and was chasing what I assumed to be another big, nasty bug. Once I know there's a bug in the room, I can not sleep until that bug is dead. I know the bug isn't going to hurt me, but I'll be so busy thinking, "Where's the bug? Is it on the bed? It might be on my pillow!" to do anything remotely resembling sleep.

Under normal circumstances, I wake up the testosterone-laden person asleep next to me and sic HIM on the bug. Hmm...nobody to pass this particular buck to, so it's up to me. ...sigh... I get up and turn on the light, and decide that there's no point in going after my glasses-all I need is a shoe. Chakra is obsessed with my butterfly wings-they're sitting in front of the dysfunctional fireplace in my bedroom-so I figured that's where the bug was. I was half right-the critter was there, but it was NOT a bug. It was some kind of tree frog-you know, one of those little sucky-toads that hangs on the window with its little suction cup toes? Only this one looked like a tree frog had cross bred with a TOAD. It was between 3 and 4 inches in diameter-a BIG damn tree frog. We came eye-to-eye with about 6 inches between us, and he just stared at me, totally cool, like, "Hey. Wassup?" He was covered in carpet fuzzies and/or lint-I'm not exactly sure what.

I didn't exactly SHRIEK...it was more of a yip. I climbed back onto the bed, and realized there was no way-NO WAY-that I'd be able to sleep with that monster loose in my room. Again, I know it won't HURT me, but my brain would hurt me with all the "where's the frog" games it would play. I am my own worst enemy...

So, think think think...how to get the frog out of there, without TOUCHING it, of course. I ran out into the kitchen and got this Olive Garden clear plastic container, with grand plans of catching the monster frog inside and releasing it away from the viscous predator that had treed it (er, winged it?) in my room. All this ruckus woke up the other cats, so I had an audience for my grand moment.

I snuck up on the beast, and stood still for a moment, staring at him. The small portion of my brain that was functioning in "normal" finally pipes up and goes, "You might as well do SOMETHING-staring at him is getting nothing done." So I offered a quick prayer to the god(s?) of frog-catching-so-I-can-go-back-to-sleep, and slapped that bowl and lid over the end of the wing the enormous frog was perched on. There was a brief, dreadful moment in which I was positive I had missed him, and he had fled to parts unknown, to torment me for the rest of that night and possibly many more...then I heard a "THUNK." I looked down to see the frog dashing his brains out against the inside of the bowl. That's when I realized that I had caught a very special frog indeed-sometime between the bowl-fetching and frog-catching (heh...) the giant frog had SHRUNK! This was not the giant monster I had come eye-to-eye with earlier! This was just a little frog! Granted, he was still just about 3-4 inches in diameter, but it looks much smaller when there's a protective barrier between us.

I was very proud of myself-I caught the frog! All by myself! (insert goofy PJ-wearing, frog-enclosed bowl-holding, proud of myself dance here) I escort the frog outside and put the bowl in the grass...he hops out and away, and then a black streak FLIES by me after him-it's our inside/outside cat. All the noise woke him up and he came to see what was going on. I'm pretty sure he caught the damn frog, but I didn't stick around to see. I was pooped. I went back to bed and slept VERY soundly for the next 2 hours.

My pride was tempered somewhat the next morning as I realized that while I had taken care of the problem all on my own it was only because there was nobody there to do it FOR me. Does that make the victory less amazing? Eh, slightly. I know TJ just rolled his eyes when I told him about it, but that's not an unusual reaction. Billy seemed proud, though...of course, he was the one that cleaned up what was left of the lizard Chakra killed the day before...

Anyway, I'm still pretty proud, and think that I just won't bother to mention the "only because I was the only person in the house" thing next time I tell the tale...it's more impressive that way.

posted by Jen @ 9:11 PM

5 Comments:

At 11:25 PM, Teresa said…

Frogs of any kind scare the #*%@ out of me. You can thank our other sister for this, as I think she once threw a frog on me...or something. I know it's her fault, whatever happened. I would have screamed, and slept somewhere else, carefully sealing off said frog-infested room and waited for someone (not necessarily a man, but certainly not ME) to take care of it. *shudder* I HATE FROGS. That is all.

PS - I'm proud of you!
At 9:38 AM, Jen said…

I was telling Clark about this at work and said that if the frog HAD escaped, I probably would have ended up sleeping in Cam's bunk bed at the other end of the house. I'm not proud!
At 11:28 PM, Anonymous said…

Hope you mind but since you sent the link once I've been checking in. You guys tell the best stories. Book ladies, a book....

Dawn II
At 6:05 AM, Jen said…

No problem! Nothing here any more incriminating that on the list. :)
At 2:11 PM, Val said…

I always think to myself, whenever there is a bug or some other creature looming while I'm trying to sleep, that it will somehow manage to crawl into my mouth. That's why I can't sleep: I just picture myself sleeping with my mouth open (disturbing enough imagery), and then picture said creature climbing on in. **shudder** Good job, handling a midnight creature capture. You go, girl. But: I'll bet the money in my checking account (ha ha!) that next time there is a unknown creature loose, if there is a man around, you will assign said man to creature capture. Because, if they don't do that, what are they good for, really?

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