| Wednesday, March 14, 2007 |
| More deep thoughts... |
Spring Break is coming. TJ, Kas, Cam, and I leave Friday for the Florida Trail Conference in the sprawling metropolis of Umatilla, FL. We’ll be there Fri-Sun, and then Sunday Cam and I will be deposited at Becky’s in Plant City. Barb will be there, and we’ll hang out and play with Sky and meet the new baby. We’ll drive back Wednesday.
I really, REALLY need this time off. There will be no school, no work, and I won’t be doing any of this traveling in a charter bus filled with 50 teenagers in smelly band uniforms. Don’t get me wrong – I love my smelly band kids. I just really need some time off.
Resa left last night with a van slam-full of her stuff. She made it to Jax around 7 this morning and is probably sleeping off a long night on the road. I miss her. Cam is angry because he doesn’t remember when we woke him up to say goodbye, and swears it never happened.
Then there’s the whole “my grandma died” thing…which sounds much more callous than I intend, but it’s such a broad collection of drastic experiences that I really don’t know of a better way to put it. My out-of-town cousins have returned home, my out-of-town aunt has returned home, and Resa left last night…it’s down to the core P’cola players now; minus one. There’s a huge swirl of emotions throughout the family, and it’s all completely unexplainable to anyone uniniated with my "we put the fun in dysfunctional" family.
I haven’t been on my computer much lately…well, I have been on my computer, but I’ve taken to playing silly online games (obsessively) rather than keeping up with email, chats, or blogging. Avoidance much? …sigh…
So while I was not reading email or chatting with anyone, a good friend of mine’s father passed away. She’s had a run of really shitty luck lately, and this just sort of capped it off. She found out that her dad stopped paying his life insurance policy and it had been cancelled. Now her Mom, who was not in a good spot before the death, is in a very sticky situation.
Another friend had a parental unit emergency Monday. His Dad is in bad shape…diabetes and Alzheimer’s have left him unable to care for himself. My friend’s Mom takes care of him. Monday she stood up at the bank and passed out. It turns out that it was a medication problem, but my friend had to take off all day to make sure that both of his parents were taken care of. He came to the realization that if anything were to happen to his Mom he wouldn’t know how to care for his Dad…
So with all this in mind, I’ve been thinking deep thoughts again. I know, I know…run away! The realization of the parental/grandparental (assuming that’s a word) role-reversal is a harsh one. That instant in which you realize, “My Mom/Dad/Grandma is completely dependant on me/another person for every need, and he/she is NOT going to get better” sucks. It sucks balls.
Think about it…the closest thing we can get to a real, live superhero is a parent (grandparent, close uncle, etc). As a child we idolize them…they know everything there is to know about anything there is to know…ever. We all outgrow that stage as teenagers, but there is still that element of…indestructibility to them. To suddenly realize that your folks are only as human as yourself (whether you find out they can’t manage money or that one has terminal cancer) can affect you in ways you never imagined.
Maybe some people come to this realization in a prettier way…slowly and in little bits at a time. My experience with this has been bitter, sudden, and overwhelming. To see it in my family is one thing, but to see two other friends dealing with it at the same time… I don’t know. It keeps the situation in the forefront of my mind. Maybe that’s the best way to deal with it…stir up the pot, let the stink out and get it over with.
I guess what I’m worried the MOST about is that this won’t be one of those life experiences that you can check off your list and move on. Is this going to be a recurring theme? I do have two other grandparents – they’re still trucking and they’re in their late 80s/early 90s. I’m a little worried about Grandma’s memory…I don’t think her short-term memory is what it used to be at all.
Morbid, eh? I’m looking into drawing up a will now, and a living will and all that other stuff nobody likes to think about until it’s too late. So yeah…about that vacation…Friday is just not getting here fast enough! |
posted by Jen @ 12:16 PM  |
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| 2 Comments: |
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hey you, if you need to talk give me a call, I am almost alwasy here :)
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I miss you too! Sooooo much! Give Cam a kiss for me, and an especially slobbery one from Daive.
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hey you, if you need to talk give me a call, I am almost alwasy here :)