Thursday, February 22, 2007
Deep thoughts
I've been thinking a lot the last week or so. The pending loss of my Grandma, the loss of two Uncles in the past few years, and the loss of my Mother 5 years ago have all been weighing heavily on me lately. My Great-Uncle passed away earlier in the summer this year, too...he married my parents in '74 and me and TJ in '95.

I tend to vary between heavy, freaky dream-laden sleep or complete insomnia lately. One extreme or the other. The insomnia sees me pondering the deep, dark things that only come out at night. The dreams...well, they make me wonder if I ate something funny (what's that quote from Dickens? "a crust of bread or a bit of mustard"?) or if there's some deeper, more Freudian meaning.

In the wee hours last night I had a revelation. I discovered the meaning of life. Yes, you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Be the first on your block to know! Heh. I was laying there, wishing I could sleep, and marveling at how fragile and temporary life is. What is our purpose? Do we have one? head hurts. Around 1 AM I came to the realization that who we are is not as important as what we do. As living beings we affect things around us...our environment, our family, our friends, etc. Everything we do causes change, whether it's brushing our hair, breaking up with a boyfriend (again), wiping a child's tear-stained face, patting a dog, or turning off a light. Sometimes we cause happiness, sometimes we cause pain, sometimes we inspire fierce loyalty, sometimes we save a life. Many times the things we do cause a greater reaction that we can know or understand. Something you say or do today may so affect a person that it changes his or her life...and you'll never know.

In this moment of sleep-deprived 'clarity', I realized that the greatest legacy a person can leave is in the memory of the people that knew him or her. Conversely, the worst legacy can also be left in the memory of people that knew him or her. You can leave your china and leave your money, but in the end...they're just things. The impression you left on a person will be with that person for the rest of his life, and may contribute to the way he affects the people around him.

What I'm trying to say is aware of how you touch others' lives...because whether you think you are an influence or not, you really are. We're like ripples in a pond...they continue stretching out and out, overlapping and mixing, but never really stopping.

See? I told you. Deep thoughts. You think that was weird, you should hear about the dreams. :) I believe my Nyquil is kicking in...I'm going to lay down and hope for some nice, quiet dreams. Night!
posted by Jen @ 8:46 PM  
  • At 9:02 AM, Blogger Val said…

    Holy crap. What else can I say? Holy crap.

  • At 9:09 AM, Anonymous Cassi said…

    so I just had to read that three times t get the gist of it. I need to stop reading your blog before my second cuppa joe. any who as val said. holy crap.
    that and please don't get insomnia anymore, you make my brain hurt. LOL

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger Dawn said…

    AWESOME!!! Makes you understand the very large responsibility life truly is!!

    Now you may just understand how hard it is for me to hear you talk about all your jaunts to get sushi *sniff*

  • At 7:55 PM, Blogger Teresa said…

    I'm going to second Val with a hearty "Holy crap" from this side of the world.

    You're right, though. I love you!

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