No promises!: My cats, part one

Monday, May 29, 2006

My cats, part one

I'm sitting here on my bed with one of my cats, Calli. Her name is Callisto, but we call her Calli. Or "GEDDOWN!" or "Don't-you-throw-up-on-those-clean-clothes!" or "BE QUIET!" She came to us when our first cat passed away...I was about 8 months pregnant, and our remaining cat had never been an 'only child'. With Cam nearly here, we were concerned that Brutus would be left to his own devices for too long, so we decided to get him a cat...hence Calli. Barb's friend had a pregnant Siamese show up on her porch at about this time, so we called dibs on a kitten. We knew her momma was Siamese, but the daddy? Turns out he was a bob-tail cat. Calli is jet-black, with a "tail" that measures in at about an inch long. TJ likes to say that she didn't run fast enough.

So we knew we were in for a talkative cat, what with the Siamese; little did we know we were in for such a mighty little hunter. What does she hunt, you ask? She likes to stalk those wiggy little transparent lizards that lurk around the porch once they get in the house. She doesn't care to hunt bugs of any sort. Her favorite prey? The one thing in all the world that she will wake up out of a dead sleep to stalk and kill? Hair ties. Yes, hair ties. Be they scrunchies or just plain wound rubber bands, they are all fair game. Our little predator keeps us safe from marauding pony-tail holders. We're eternally in her debt. We also supply her habit...3 of the 4 adults in the house require hair ties of various shapes and forms.

For those of you unfamiliar with the dangerous art of scrunchie-hunting, the ideal hunting time is at night, and preferably after everyone has gone to bed. Sneak into bedrooms to check on dressers or nightstands...if you can't find them there, be sure to look at drawer pulls-they like to sleep there and you just might catch them off-guard. If you don't find them in the bedrooms, you can't miss in a bathroom. Look around the sink, then check the drawer pulls. If you STILL haven't found anything, just open the drawer. (Yes, she can open drawers. Bru used to turn doorknobs. Don't ask, I don't know.) Paydirt! Now that you have your prey cornered, drag it out into the room that is nearest the center of the house. Drop your kill, sit on it, and begin to howl with victory. (Hence the "SHUT UP!" part of her name...) No, wait. Don't just howl. Use that Siamese background you have to caterwaul it to the entire house. "Look! Look what I did! I have saved you, once again, you ungrateful humans, from a veritable infestation of scrunchies! Come praise me and scratch that spot on my back that makes me do that funny thing. ...NOW!"

I walked into the bedroom this afternoon and heard a bug scritchy-scritching somewhere on the other side of the bed. I'm more than a little OCD about bugs in the house-once I know one is moving about, I will NOT sleep until I know it's dead and flushed. I grab a shoe and head to the foot of the bed. Calli perks up and prances to the foot of the bed. I'm in hunt mode-completely silent. Yeah. "MEROOOOOOWR?" Christ, Calli, shut up! I pat her head, good girl, now be quiet and let Mommy hunt the bug. Silence again. Oh, I hear the bug! I take a step forward, then Calli scoots over and says, "MROOOOW?" I shoot my best Mommy/Teacher glare at my cat, and turn to listen again. This time she yells at me, "MROW!" SHUT UP!!! Not a peep from the bug any longer. I glare at the cat again, and she says, sweetly, "Meerow." Yeah, well, if you'd kill the damn bugs I wouldn't have to do this shit. Eventually I killed the bug, no thanks to her howliness.

She's currently laying on the other side of the bed from me, glaring at me with her eyes half-open. She's laying on a pony tail holder, too. It's sticking out from under her front feet. It's good to know she's got my back...too bad she won't kill the damn bugs, too.

posted by Jen @ 8:52 PM

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