No promises!: I apologize in advance

Sunday, July 01, 2007

I apologize in advance

This is going to be gross. Really gross. One of those "too gross to keep to myself" sort of things. If you're easily squicked out, turn away now. Seriously - IT'S GROSS!

So I have warts. Well, I had warts. I had them frozen off nearly 2 weeks ago. There were 4 on my left leg and one enormous one on the back of my right hand. Dr. Willis actually went "Wow, that's a big one!" when he saw it. Yeah. So as he's freezing them off, he tells me that they'll scab up and then will heal up within about two weeks. Well. That was Friday afternoon.

By Friday night, the ones on my leg weren't particularly gross, but the one on the back of my hand...you know, gargantu-wart? The skin of the wart and immediately surrounding the wart were beginning to inflate. No kidding - INFLATE. It grossed me out. I actually had to put a Band-Aid over it, it grossed me out so much. (Scooby-Doo, if you were curious...the Band-Aid, I mean.) I mean, had it been on my LEG it would have been one thing - that is practically out of sight. This was FAR too visible. I went to bed Friday night kind of squicked out, but had no idea what I would wake to the following morning.

Saturday I woke to find a half-balloon of skin that stood (no lie) half an inch high off the back of my hand. I realized that it wasn't pus-filled or anything - I could see shapes and colors though it. BLAR!! We had to go to Jen's sister's birthday party the same day, and the plan was to swim. Shit.

The party was good. Cam did announce to everyone at the party that I had a huge wart and it was really gross and disgusting. I thanked him. Scooby Doo held up pretty well, until we got in the pool. Scooby failed me...it fell off. I got out and put the useless Band-Aid on the table and got back in, trying not to look at it. I briefly thought about just popping it and getting it over with, but really...that's just nasty. We played in the pool for a while, and started to play with these really cool little pool torpedoes. Naturally Cam and I started wrestling over them, and my right hand ended up stuck between Cam's side and his arm - he pinched my arm to him like that. Well. He snatched his body back, and I realized what it's like to feel a COLOR. My whole hand felt red. I knew what had happened, but didn't want to look. That would make it hurt more, know what I mean? I did suddenly stop wrestling, which alerted Cam to the fact that something was not kosher. He asked what was wrong, and I said that it was the wart...he was immediately excited and grossed out at the same time. Boys are funny that way.

I stood up in the shallow end and looked at my hand...the bubble of skin had in fact popped, and the bubble part was sort of dangling there, useless on the back of my hand. And....AAAAANNNDDDD, as if that weren't disgusting enough, there was this red and yellow wet ~void~ where the wart had once been. ooooooooooh man. Jen was out of the pool, and I said, "Um, Jen? I think I need a Band-Aid." She looked - at my face, not the wart - and scooted into the house to get one. Her Mom came out and put a waterproof one on me. Now, I dunno if you've had the pleasure of wearing one of these bad boys...I gotta say, it was pretty damn cool. I'm not even going to describe it - you'll just have to take my word for it. It turned out to be for naught, as I didn't get back in the pool. But the point is that I COULD have gotten back in, if I wanted. So there. The rest of the day was uneventful, wart-wise.

Sunday I began to worry that it would never solidify...it was still all runny and gross. I was trying really hard to leave the Band-Aid off so that it COULD scab up; but being all runny and gross it was a chore to look at...and then I kept smearing it on things, furthering the gross-out quotient exponentially. By Monday it had finally scabbed over, but was no less disgusting...just more dry. Mind you, the ones on my legs all combined haven't been HALF as disgusting as this one. Just ugly red spots on my legs. I kept joking with people that my leprosy was acting up - if my arm fell off, please add it to the pile and try not to think any less of me.

So we come to Saturday. I went to a 4th of July party and ended up in the pool for a couple hours. Some of you already know where this is leading, and to the rest of you, I apologize. Yes, this actually gets more gross. Look, don't say I didn't warn you. So. I got out of the pool and, as has become my habit, I checked out my leprosy - er, my wart. Oh dear...around the edges of the newly formed scab, it had turned yellow, and the yellow bits were loose. Loose like unattached from the fresh skin underneath, but not loose enough to let go of the scab. Upon realizing this, I immediately set out to find someone to show. Can't keep all this gross disgustingness to myself!! Cam, predictably, was horrified and mystified all at the same time. Billy, predictably, told me to quit picking at it. Heh. I sort of folded the yellow bits up away from the skin and went about my business. Once it dried I used some clean cuticle clippers to trim it...all the while sort of throwing up in my mouth a little.

Sunday was spent in Foley with Barb and Cam, purchasing supplies for his birthday party. We got back to the house and then went swimming. Guess what happened? Yeah. Scab - yellow - loose - cuticle clippers. Lather, rinse, repeat...right? So that was Sunday.

I told TJ that this whole freezing of the warts thing has been one of the most disgusting experiences of my life. That includes childbirth, ladies and gentlemen. There were innumerable things occurring throughout those last eventful days that ranked up there in the "most disgusting things EVER" category, but this whole wart-capades things has them beat. None of that delivery/surgery/recovery stuff made me want to throw up in my mouth a little.

Here it is, nearly 2 weeks later. Things have calmed down mightily, and I'm very thankful. I have a painful scab on the back of my hand, and some ugly spots on my leg. The leg warts haven't done anything nearly as spectacular as the hand one did, either. I don't know whether to be relieved or mildly disappointed. :)

So. I told you it was gross. I make no apologies...it was too gross not to share. Kudos to those of you that managed to read this far. I'm off to blog about my morning today. Much less disgusting, I promise. See y'all later!

posted by Jen @ 10:54 PM

3 Comments:

At 4:34 PM, Anonymous said…

~ookie dance~ eeeeeeew!
At 3:46 PM, Teresa said…

I am thoroughly impressed - I'm like a little boy in that way, grossed out and fascinated all at the same time. Definitely gross, but definitely a good read! Remind me to tell you about my experience in Korea when I had a mole lasered off my nose. TOTALLY freaked out a class of Korean seven year olds. Good story (laughing to myself)...good times.
At 6:27 AM, Anonymous said…

oh please that could have beeen MUCH grosser.... I won't even go into the stories of what my hubby has put me through....heee....

Contributors