| Tuesday, February 27, 2007 |
| ...still going |
Many topics in this post, so be ready for abrupt subject changes. :)
Grandma:
No change. Not an iota. Val went over on her lunch break yesterday and they have reinserted the IV and were giving her a breathing treatment...she's alert and hanging in there.
Us:
Cam is well, I'm well, and now TJ and Billy are both kind of sniffly. Go figure. We've had the windows open the past couple days, and laying there listening to the birds in the mornings is making me REALLY want to go camping. Laying there shivering in the mornings, however, makes me reconsider...
Weight Watchers:
I weighed in yesterday and lost 3 pounds last week. Woot! I'm wearing my size 14s again and feeling mighty impressed with myself. I'm still on track for my optimistic goal of losing 2 pounds per week until the trip to New Orleans... I happened to glance at my folder at WW last night, and it has a goal range of 134-179. That's a mighty broad range, if you ask me. Assuming I can teeter on the wagon until the N.O. trip, I should actually be within that range...gasp!!
I have a reward in mind for when I hit 175 and I'm pretty excited about it. Once I hit 150 I plan to get my very first tattoo...I have a vague idea of what, I just don't know where yet, so I'll have plenty of time to think it through. In the meantime, my mini-goal? To weigh less than my husband. :) Kind of petty, but it's supplying the needed incentive right now. Whatever works, right? LOL |
posted by Jen @ 10:33 AM  |
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| Saturday, February 24, 2007 |
| Hurry up and wait |
So I got the call this morning. Dad called to say that they had to take out Grandma's feeding tube and that "it was only just a matter of time." He asked when Resa would be here... Yikes. So I talked to Val, and we agreed that Resa needed to have another late night alarmist phone call. Sorry, Resa.
I got up, showered, fed myself and Cam, and asked TJ to finish the laundry for me. I was mentally prepared to sit up at the hospital for however long this was going to take. I got in the car, and called Dad's cell phone...I thought I'd see if anyone needed anything to eat. He was at work. ?? I called Aunt Rachel at the hospital, and she was the only one there. ??! This does not sound like a death watch to me. I stopped at McD's and got her some lunch and headed up to the hospital.
Grandma's been moved to a private room. This whole time (two weeks) she's been in the hospital she's been mostly incoherent...usually completely unconscious. I walked in the room today, and there's Aunt Rachel holding her hand...and Grandma looks up at me! She's awake...for the most part. She sort of mumbled something (she didn't have her teeth in) so it was difficult to understand her. Aunt Rachel said she was asking to sit up...I was skeptical and assumed she was interpreting what she wanted to hear. However, by the time I left, I could understand what she was saying. I heard her ask to sit up twice, and she told the nurse she was hungry.
A guy from Hospice came in about halfway through the visit to make arrangements. He ensured that there was a living will, a DNR, and all those fun things. He took down a list of closest relatives, and asked if there was a history of mental illness in the family. Heh. A loaded question if I ever heard one. Aunt Rachel tactfully answered no. He said that Hospice is there for the patient, but also for the family...comforting stuff. Then he asked about funeral homes and religion and pastors and such. He was kind of surprised by the fact that Grandma was awake...Aunt Rachel said that she was, too. Yesterday was a bad, bad day, and they expected the worst. Today she woke up. ??
So. I called Val at work and asked her if she wanted me to come in and cover the store for her so she could go visit while Grandma was relatively lucid. I hung around at work for a while and now I'm back home. I'm tired. I've decided that Grandma is just too ornery to give up without a tussle. This is the second weekend in a row that she was not supposed to survive...I may not survive another one like this. Shoo. |
| posted by Jen @ 1:19 PM |
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| Thursday, February 22, 2007 |
| Deep thoughts |
I've been thinking a lot the last week or so. The pending loss of my Grandma, the loss of two Uncles in the past few years, and the loss of my Mother 5 years ago have all been weighing heavily on me lately. My Great-Uncle passed away earlier in the summer this year, too...he married my parents in '74 and me and TJ in '95.
I tend to vary between heavy, freaky dream-laden sleep or complete insomnia lately. One extreme or the other. The insomnia sees me pondering the deep, dark things that only come out at night. The dreams...well, they make me wonder if I ate something funny (what's that quote from Dickens? "a crust of bread or a bit of mustard"?) or if there's some deeper, more Freudian meaning.
In the wee hours last night I had a revelation. I discovered the meaning of life. Yes, you heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. Be the first on your block to know! Heh. I was laying there, wishing I could sleep, and marveling at how fragile and temporary life is. What is our purpose? Do we have one? Ohhh....my head hurts. Around 1 AM I came to the realization that who we are is not as important as what we do. As living beings we affect things around us...our environment, our family, our friends, etc. Everything we do causes change, whether it's brushing our hair, breaking up with a boyfriend (again), wiping a child's tear-stained face, patting a dog, or turning off a light. Sometimes we cause happiness, sometimes we cause pain, sometimes we inspire fierce loyalty, sometimes we save a life. Many times the things we do cause a greater reaction that we can know or understand. Something you say or do today may so affect a person that it changes his or her life...and you'll never know.
In this moment of sleep-deprived 'clarity', I realized that the greatest legacy a person can leave is in the memory of the people that knew him or her. Conversely, the worst legacy can also be left in the memory of people that knew him or her. You can leave your china and leave your money, but in the end...they're just things. The impression you left on a person will be with that person for the rest of his life, and may contribute to the way he affects the people around him.
What I'm trying to say is this...be aware of how you touch others' lives...because whether you think you are an influence or not, you really are. We're like ripples in a pond...they continue stretching out and out, overlapping and mixing, but never really stopping.
See? I told you. Deep thoughts. You think that was weird, you should hear about the dreams. :) I believe my Nyquil is kicking in...I'm going to lay down and hope for some nice, quiet dreams. Night! |
| posted by Jen @ 8:46 PM |
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| Wednesday, February 21, 2007 |
| One of those weeks |
My Grandma is in the hospital. She's not doing very well at all, and for the better part of the weekend I wasn't sure she would have made it this far, but she has. I haven't had an update today, so I'm operating on the assumption that 'no news is good news'.
Cam came home early Friday with a tummy bug. His teacher noticed he looked kind of green and sent him to the nurse's office. Once he got there, he tossed his cookies. I picked him up around 1 and we headed home to rest. By that evening he was fine again. We had a birthday party at a roller skating rink Saturday (no, I did NOT skate - I figured we didn't need a trip to the ER) and another one at Chuck E Cheese on Sunday.
I slept very poorly Saturday night, and by Sunday morning was pretty sure I was coming down with a cold. I spent much of Sunday with a very runny nose and a very scratchy throat. Dinner time Sunday, Cam started whining that his throat hurt...now, not to sound unkind...but my child is not the biggest fan of eating. I know, I know - my child is not fond of eating. If only we could all be so lucky. Anyway, he whines a lot during dinner, so I didn't fawn over him much. He finished eating and went to take a bath, when we realized that he's in there crying.
TJ goes in to see what's wrong, and he's sitting in the empty tub, no water running, naked as the day he was born, and crying like nobody's business. TJ asked him what was wrong, and Cam said that his throat really hurt. We rustled up a flashlight and TJ peeked down his throat to find his tonsils swollen up like golf balls. Eep! Now my child is no stranger to sickness, but he usually sticks to coughs and colds...he's not much of a sore throat kind of kid. We didn't have ANYTHING in the house for sore throats! TJ was about to leave to go grocery shopping, so he picked up some Triaminic and these diabolical tongue strips with a deceptively cute picture of Scooby Doo on the package. More on those later...
Cam takes the Triaminic with no complaints - he's good with medicine, really. Then I put one of those "soothes sore throat" strip on his tongue...his eyes open wide, and he starts doing that "reverse blow" thing you do when you take a bite of something that's waaaay too hot. His face is the absolute picture of alarm, and he's glaring at me like, "What did you DO to me?!" When he can talk, he says, "That is WAY too spicy!" Spicy? Ohhhkaaaay...
He stayed home from school the next morning because his tonsils were still swollen. I dosed him up with the Triaminic and asked if he wanted another tongue strip...he declined. Quickly. Heh. Later that day he was doing fine again. He does recover quickly, that son of mine. I, however, was feeling really crappy by this time. My throat was really bothering me, so I figured I'd try one of those fancy tongue strips that Cam didn't care much for...
Well. I set it on my tongue and closed my mouth. The strip immediately stuck to the roof of my mouth, and my first bewildered thought was, "Did I put it in upside down?" Do these things have an upside down?! So I then proceeded to use the tip of my tongue to pry the now gooey mess off the roof of my mouth, opening up a whole new set of taste buds to this experience. Yow...Cam was right...it was spicy. It was sort of cinnamony/pepperminty mixed with FIRE. Just like that - in all caps. Not "fire" but "FIRE". I'm glad I did this alone, now that I think about it. The whole gooey mess was all over my mouth by this time, and everywhere it touched felt like it was on fire. Then I swallowed. Oh dear. The fire spread down my throat, and it felt like I had just done an overly large shot of very cheap tequila. The fire didn't make it all the way to my belly, thankfully. I tried to wash the whole thing down with a couple swallows of Diet Coke, but it was like taking a swig of Orange Juice after brushing your teeth...quite yucky.
Meh. So here I am, Wednesday of the following week...still sick. My ears are stopped up and my chest is congested, and I have a Nyquil hangover. I've learned a few valuable lessons in all this, though. 1.) My child recovers annoyingly fast from illness. 2.) Those tongue strips? Just don't. 3.) Teaching music while your ears are stopped up sucks.
So, there ya go. Words of wisdom (or whatever you want to call it) from your friend Jen. See y'all later. :) |
| posted by Jen @ 1:11 PM |
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| Tuesday, February 13, 2007 |
| It was quite a Monday |
So yesterday was Monday...in all aspects of the word. I got up to school and taught, then left to come home and pick up all the things I needed to be able to do everything I needed to do yesterday. Resa needs me to ship out a package for her like yesterday, and I had to bring my clarinet and such for lessons later that afternoon, and I needed a lunch and such. So. That's a LOT of stuff to be hauling out to the car, so I figured I'd make a couple trips. I grabbed my cell phone, my car keys, my clarinet, and my lunch for the first trip. I stepped outside, and WHAM! The front door closed behind me. It was locked. ...sigh...
I keep my car keys and house keys on separate keychains so that when (notice I don't say "if") I lock myself out of the house I'm not locked out of the car, too. I'll have one or the other. So I'm left standing on my porch, clarinet and lunch in hand, pondering the situation. I put my stuff in the car, and sit for a moment. I called Billy to see if he was coming home anytime soon (noon), then texted TJ who was nearby but tied up teaching a hazmat class all day. No luck. I figure I might as well drive to work - I don't have my purse, license, credit cards, or checkbook, but hey...I have my keys!
I quickly appreciated all those things I put in my purse that I didn't have...my sunglasses, my nail file, and especially my gum. I made arrangements to meet Billy at the house around noon and headed to work, where things didn't necessarily get any better. There's an issue with the company that processes our credit card charges (gasp! say it isn't so!) and it's far too complicated to get into right now. Suffice it to say that I'm getting nasty phone calls from understandably pissed off customers on a very, very regular basis. Whee!
So I finish with work and drive up to school for lessons, and 2 of my 3 students that day aren't there. Well, that's fine, I can get out early. I did one lesson and then headed out for my weigh-in. I ended up waiting in line behind this lady that wears the smelliest old-lady perfume EVER. It's a horrible smell, and she must get a bulk discount because she wears gallons of it at a time. I'm not sure if she smokes or what, but cripes! It's horrible. By the time we got inside to weigh I was a sneezing mess. I weighed and left - I could smell EVERYWHERE in the room. Anyway, I finished off my day by finding out that I lost 2 pounds. Whoo hoo!
So today I get up and get Cam to the bus stop and go to Wal Mart to have my new car's first oil change. I ended up behind an RV (made my car look really, REALLY small) and was finished long before him. He was a crotchety old man anyway, so I just smiled. While I was there I had a new house key made...I'm going to hide it somewhere in my car or on the property somewhere so I won't lock my sorry ass out again. :) |
| posted by Jen @ 9:14 AM |
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| Sunday, February 11, 2007 |
| Wheee!!! |
| So it's laundry day here at Paulding Manor. We have 4 adults and one child, and a ridiculous amount of laundry. All of my pants are, of course, dirty. I began the "laundry day dig" into the bottom of my dresser, and found a pair of pants...size 14. Hm. I did the eyeball thing - holding them up to my waist to gauge the possibility, and then went for it. Guess what? They fit! :) Woot! Happy size 14 dance! |
| posted by Jen @ 10:11 AM |
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| Wednesday, February 07, 2007 |
| Dear Jennifer: |
Congratulations! Based upon your recent audition, you have been accepted as a Music Teaching Major at the University of West Florida. We are pleased to welcome you and we look forward to many positive experiences.
I commend you on the talent you demonstrated during your audition. You have qualified for a scholarship and will be informed of the amount no later than April 15, 2007.
Again, welcome to the Department. Do not hesitate to call/meet with me or your advisor if you have concerns or suggestions. I can be reached at {snip} or e-mail me at {snip}.
Sincerely,
Kyle Marrero
Chair, Music Department |
| posted by Jen @ 6:13 PM |
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| Monday, February 05, 2007 |
| Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes... |
| As you've probably noticed, I've changed the layout. Google did a good thing taking over, but they aren't as concerned with the 'pretty' as they are with the 'not-crashing' so I reverted to the old templates and found something I didn't hate. :) Lemme know what you think! |
| posted by Jen @ 9:21 AM |
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| Losing time |
Ever since we went back to school after the winter break Cam and I have been habitually late to meet the bus in the mornings. Not so late that we miss the bus, but really within moments of doing so. I began to notice that somewhere between the time I left the house and got in the car I would lose about 5 minutes...not like a fugue or blacking out. By the time we would walk the 15 steps to the car, get in, get buckled, and get out the driveway, it would be 5-6 minutes later than it was when I walked out the door. And that doesn't include warm-up time - I go out early in the winter to warm up the car.
We have a clock over the TV, and clocks on various electronic devices around the living room and kitchen. None of which actually agree with each other, but that is neither here nor there. Apparently I will go out of my way to check the old-school tick-tock type clock over the TV rather than glance up at the digital one on the stove or on the cable box...don't ask me why, I don't know. It's probably something to do with being a visual person - I know we need to leave at this time and when it's this other time, I have about these few minutes left. I dunno. It involves less math, maybe? Let's not psychoanalyze me...it won't be pretty. :)
So today, I've been checking the clock all morning, as usual, marveling at my son's ability to be distracted from the simplest of tasks (10 minutes to brush his teeth? wha?!), when I realized that the clock over the TV said it was 6:47, and the clock on the cable box said it was 7:02. Whoa...that's a large disparity...an alarming one, especially as we should have been pulling out of the driveway at that time. I was waiting for Cam to put on his Chuck's so we could get out the door. I took over shoe-tying and sent him running out the door while I grabbed my purse and tried to think of anything I might be forgetting... I ran out the door behind him, and we made it to our regular bus stop late. This was the point at which I realized that I had also forgotten my phone. Niiiice. So I glance down the road and see Barb pulling away from another stop. We high tail it to the next stop and Cam runs up to catch the bus, grabbing the back of his waistband so his pants don't fall to the ground. Mental note: one more button on the waist band of his pants next time I do laundry.
So, I got home around 7:30 to see Jen running around late, thanks to this evil device. She got to work late, too. I spoke with her at 8:45 to say that the offending clock had been removed from the wall to have its battery replaced, and that she can tell her boss that she actually wasn't late because this clock said it was only 7:59...that made her early! That has to count for something, right? Turns out her boss wasn't in at the time, so it was a moot point. I replaced the batteries just now...and set the time about 1 minute fast. I enjoyed the irony. :) |
| posted by Jen @ 8:26 AM |
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| Saturday, February 03, 2007 |
| The Circle of Life, with a band twist |
So, how bout that audition? Yeah. Here's the story of my day so far.
Got up at 8, showered, dressed, and decided against eating breakfast as I knew I'd be nervous later and didn't want to stress my tummy any more than I had to. I had a cup of coffee and headed out the door at 9. I'd heard 3 different times for my audition, ranging from 10:40 to 11:10, so I figured I'd be safe and get there before 10. I got there and parked, and finally found the only unlocked entrance...I made my way to the stage door to the auditorium and grabbed my paperwork and found a practice room to monopolize.
I filled out the paperwork, listing the 3 people I'd chosen to write me a letter of recommendation, and that I got a 28 on my ACT...then I put underneath that in parentheses that I got that score 15 years ago...ahem). I warmed up my horn, and attempted to warm up my fingers for the next 30 minutes or so. I found a great reed - none of the ones I'd marked to use today were playing worth a damn, so I found one that would. I left the practice room at 10:35, and was lurking around the door to the stage within minutes. Rick Glaze comes out and says, "The people before you didn't show up, so are you ready?" EEP!
I get on stage and get set up...Mr. Glaze asks me if I'd rather stand or sit (SIT!! I hate to play standing - I always feel like I'm going to drop my horn), and that question always makes me nervous. I mean, I KNOW professionals don't play concertos on stage sitting down, but still...I mean, I'm nervous enough already, don't make me do this standing up!!! In the audience there's Dr. Lauderdale (flute) (oh, and her son is in my band class...no pressure), Kyle Marero (department chair), the vocal professor whose name I cannot remember, and a gentleman that I actually don't know. Small crowd. Dr. Lauderdale is looking at me like I have a booger hanging out of my nose...she knows me, but can't remember why. Mr. Glaze asks about my degree...I elaborate that I finished it up a year ago, but started right out of high school. I've been teaching at Pine Forest (Dr. Lauderdale's light bulb lit up at this) and such since. Dr. Lauderdale says, "That's why I couldn't recognize you - you've cut your hair!" I smiled and agreed...my Southern upbringing was present in force with all the "yes, ma'am" and "no, sirs" and such. The other professors thought I looked familiar, and so I threw out that I also work at Dollarhides. It just so happens that Dollarhide's was involved in their new status as an "All Steinway School," so I'm really, really hoping that gets me a few brownie points.
I played a few notes to get used to the acoustics (which were amazing), and then set out with my technical piece. I prepared the first two etudes from the (original) Rose book, for those of you keeping score (which would probably be just TX Jen and SAM). #2 is straight 16th notes in 3/8, in a minor. Not exactly the most challenging, but hey, I had a week. I practiced at school a lot this past week, and the kids thought it was the most amazing thing they'd ever heard, so at least SOMEONE appreciated it. I've worked it up to 180 bpm, but didn't dare try that on stage. I ended up closer to 160, but got nearly every single note out clearly...I put this one in the plus column. I played the lyrical piece...#1...4/4 in C Major. Has some trills, turns, and such in it, and was probably too simple. Again, I could work it up in a week, so there ya go. That went well, too. Another plus.
Rick asks, "Could you play us some scales?" Eep! "Sure!" "How about your F...concert Eb?" Pff...cake. I sailed through 3 octaves plus the arpeggio with a minor mistake in the middle. Another plus! "How about your B scale?" B major (concert A) just happens to be my least favorite scale - ever. There are no minor scales that can compare to my loathing to this scale. So. Two octaves, and more mistakes than I'd care to mention later, I was done. Definitely a minus. On a freakin SCALE. Nice one, Jen.
"So how long ago was your last theory class?" Um...yikes! "Twelve years...same for ear training." Then I find out that I need to take a theory placement test. What the everliving fuck? Theory placement? I have an AA, I don't have to retake my first four theory classes EVER, thanks very much. Dr. Lauderdale kindly points this out, and so they say, "Well, it's been a while, why don't we give her the final from Theory IV?" I fell into complete panic at this point - I do believe today is the closest I've come to a panic attack in my life.
I pack up and leave the stage to find a crowd of some 8 people and their entourages (parents, sisters, boyfriends, etc.) outside the door. Everyone heard my spectacular mistreatment of the B Major scale, too. ...sigh... Dr. Lauderdale meets me in the hallway and says, "The final for Theory IV was a take-home test, so I can almost guarantee this will be too difficult." Greeeaaaat. I suck it up and go in to take this test.
It was horrible. I mean, horrible. It's been 12 years since theory...I haven't brain dumped everything I ever learned about theory, but I only retained the stuff you actually USE. I looked at the first page (oh yeah, it was FIVE PAGES LONG) and there were four grand staves with various numbers and lines underneath. No directions. Was I supposed to analyze this? Fill in tenor and alto parts? Were those two lines actually the soprano and bass? The hell? OK, calm down, look at the second page. More of the same. The third page was matching...should be simple, right? Right. Two lines of music, and about 7 terms/phrases. Match each phrase up to whichever line of music best displays each term/phrase. Two will not have an example on the page. I could actually define two of the terms in my head, but it didn't help. I was completely freaked out by this point. The rest of the test was no better. The person in the room proctoring the test was like, "I just took that class and that exam - I got an 80. I can't do it now, I don't know how they expect YOU to do it now." Well, had I not been about to CRY, this might have made me feel better. She assured me that this was just for placement (great) and that it had no bearing on admittance to the music department or the scholarship audition. I just turned it in and left...horrified.
So. This started out an ok experience and ended up an exercise in humiliation. How was your day? Heh. As for the title of the blog, I just found it funny that earlier in the week I tried out all the kids in the band for seats...including Dr. Lauderdale's son. Maybe I should have excused myself or something... Anyway, as for the rest of the day, I'll probably go have a good healthy cry in the shower and then go to a family reunion dinner. At a buffet place. ...sigh... My weigh-in on Monday had better not suffer because of this crappy day!
Honestly, though...I'm not suicidal (Resa, I didn't drive off an overpass or anything, LOL) or horribly depressed...just had a really crappy audition. It's been ages since I've even HAD to audition, much less botched one so magnificently. I did get my acceptance letter from UWF yesterday, so whether I'm a music major or just majoring in registration, I'm going to school in the fall. I'm gonna go read my mail and go take a nice hot bath...see y'all later! |
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